It's been a minute

Hi Everybody,

It's been a while since my last blog huh? Well I really haven't had too much to say that I felt I should air out in the open. Most of my thoughts and issues have been very private and I choose to keep them that way until I guess I feel like the time is right. But until now I will continue to write when what I feel is burning a hole in my chest and I can't keep it in. It's been a very rough road here in California and honestly I'm ready to kick Cali to the curb and move on to the next chapter (i.e. next state). I want to leave here so bad I don't think I would mind if I had to walk to my next destination. Yea that was exaggerated but you get the picture! But what I can say is that I've learned a lot since being here and I am grateful for that. The one thing I've truly learned is to DO YOUR RESEARCH!!! I WISH I would have known how much this state SUCKS when it comes to finding a job! I've been here for almost a year and the only job I've been able to get is a two day a week tutoring position that pays me what I made it college! Yeah you read correctly. ME…the girl with TWO degrees working for college pay. At first I was super pissed but then I learn to appreciate the smaller things in life because something is better than nothing. I actually laugh at the fact that the “great state” of California gave me my credentials to teach here but yet they are not hiring any new teachers including those that have graduated from California education programs!!!  Can we say WASTE OF MONEY! Yea so that's what has been burning me up for the duration of my time here in this wonderful ** insert eye roll here ** state. Oh yea back to the learning I've done here. I've also truly learned that stuff happens. You can prepare yourself for the life you expect to have but if it's not in God's plan you are going to be in a whirlwind of hurt and pain. Which is where I've been since moving to this Illustrious ** insert what I really want to say here** state. I figured that since I have my Master's degree and was getting ready to work on a Doctorate pretty soon that hey, I am on a roll and they would be crazy not to hire me especially with my extensive background in reading, one of the most important skills of your LIFE!! But sadly not everyone thinks like me. I've been turned down left and right. There is this one school district here that has turned me down so much I'm pretty sure they know me by name and face now. So with that being said I never intended on my life being this way ESPECIALLY with the big 30 coming up soon. But I am trying really hard to rest in the fact that there are some blessings coming our way. Oh yea I did say our, that means the man I call my husband is still here (Hi Teej love you....MEANT IT) LOL. Also, I’m realizing that faith isn’t something that comes easy to me. I’ve always worked with the logical and concrete. I didn’t realize how much I relied on my own understand of how things work and not on God. That probably sounds bad but it’s the truth. I didn’t I gained faith until the move here and even now it’s still REALLY hard. I guess it’s true that old habits die hard. SO, to end this post I really didn’t have any questions to ask. It’s not like anyone is really answering them any way.  All I will ask is that you pray for my strength. Some days are better than others but all in all I must give praises to God for the life that I do have. Last thing before I leave and not write another post for like a year LOL, I came up with this I guess aphorism in my sleep one night and it stuck with me so I guess I’m meant to share it with someone. My aphorism is: Today is another beautiful day in God’s world. Live, Love, and Embrace it. J Easy to say yet sometimes hard to do but I am putting forth a better effort at it. Thanks for reading! See ya!

My walk with CHRIST

 Hello everyone I have an announcement to make. I am letting go. I am letting go of myself and my expectations of my life and giving it all to God. I've skated this line long enough and I always did just enough, but not anymore. I've completely given my life over to Christ Jesus. I've been through a lot in my short life time and I've always lived my life off what I feel others will think of me and what I do but no more. I've tried to solve my problems my way and interpret my trials and tribulations my way and it has gotten me NO WHERE fast. The missing piece to my life is Him and He is who I choose. I am in the process of being reborn and will I fall? Yes! I don't expect that just because I gave my life over that I will be perfect but I will continue to surround myself with positive people to keep me on my with God. Yes I will change, My walk will change, my talk will change, my attitude will change, and I gladly except that. My husband and I decided that we needed to take this walk together because we have an obligation to our daughter to teach her how to be a God fearing young lady, and she can't learn that if her parents the most important people in her life, don't provide her with examples. We also decided to take this walk together because we are obligated to each other to be the best we can be for one another. We haven't been the best at that and we both agreed to make that change. Those of you who personally know myself and my husband just know that those two people have died and 1 person is emerging. Thanks in advance for all of your support and love. :-)

New, Natural, Me: Hello World! :-)

New, Natural, Me: Hello World! :-): Hello all! So I've been gone for a couple of months and it's all out of discouragement. I figured that if I don't have any subscribers, why...

Hello World! :-)

Hello all! So I've been gone for a couple of months and it's all out of discouragement. I figured that  if I don't have any subscribers, why write my life? But I had to remember how good it felt to just talk and get things out no matter what it is. So here is an update :-) I did purchase the Exederm baby skincare line for my daughter. As I stated before she has super sensitive, dry, and itchy/flaky at times skin. I purchased the baby oil, baby bath, lotion, and cream. To me it didn't do anything special. After using all of the products  for about  a month or so, I didn't see any change in Mya's skin. She still itched and her skin was still dry. The only thing I like about it was that none of  it irritated her skin. So back to the drawing board it is.

Also, I am 6 months into my natural hair transition. It's weird because I thought by now I would be screaming for a relaxer but my natural hair is actually softer than my relaxed hair. The one thing I am absolutely falling in love with is my curl pattern. The longer my natural hair gets the more my coils start to define themselves. I LOVE IT! It makes me want to cut my hair NOW but I did set a one year goal and I'm going to TRY to stick to it. Plus I already know who I want to let " Big Chop" my hair.

Lastly, I have to say that I fell off the "loving me wagon." I find it very hard as a mother ( and let me be real a wife too.) to take care of me. I have so many goals for myself and I can't seem to accomplish them. During a recent girl's night, my girls and I all completed our own 2012 vision boards which I have posted in my bedroom. This is my first time creating one and I'm looking forward to crossing things off my board that I've accomplished. To me the only problem I have is MOTHERHOOD & WIFEDOM LOL I am constantly thinking about and doing things to make Mya and my husband happy to the point that I will drop anything for them and I don't make time for myself and  in a lot of ways that hasn't been good. I'm not making excuses for myself( or maybe I am) but starting today and not because it's a new year, I am going to start loving me just a little bit more. Soooo, to the people out there that view my blog postings this question is for you.

What do you do to show yourself l ove? Thanks for reading! :-)

Google update

During my time away from my blog I have been Googling a lot mainly trying to figure out again what to do for my daughter's skin and I came across two websites www.nationaleczema.org and www.easeeczema.org. These two websites have been really educational and  offer some great tips on how to sooth and take care of skin with eczema. I refer to them all the time now. Also  the second website I posted has a list of all the nea approved products and it offers a small review on them as well. I've decided to try exedrem which also has a website www.exederm.com. I want to try this product because it has a 5 out of 5 rating according to the nea  which mean the exedrem products contain no known irritants so to me it's worth a shot. I will let you guys know what happens! :-) Also I have been Googling for youtube videos to enhance my cooking abilities. Don't get me wrong I CAN throw down in the kitchen but I want to learn the proper way to do certain things. So far I've leaned how to cube a potato, properly roast veggies, and finely dice a whole onion in under a min! Youtube has become an important fixture in my life. LOL I haven't posted any videos and I don't think I will anytime soon but I have subscribed to may helpful channels dealing with hair and cooking. If you want to check them out my youtube name is LovelyReine82.

Thanks for stopping by! :-)

My heart, My love, My baby

SO I've been under a lot of stress lately and it's been because of my little angel, Mya. As of right now she is playing the I don't want to sleep EVER game and in turn I don't get any sleep either and if you know me I LOVE SLEEP and on top of all of that I am a stay at home mom right now. Which means  I am with her 24/7! But anyway that's not the reason for my post today. I know she is just going through a toddler phase and she will be back to sleeping in no time! :-) So here goes... Ever since the day I laid eyes on my little girl my world has changed completely. A lot of things that didn't bother me before hurts my soul now. I can admit that I'm a mess when it comes to her and what happens to her.( For example Mya got her shots a couple of days ago and I honestly wanted to slap the doctor because she kept trying to find my baby's vein to draw blood by moving the needle in and out of the same hole while my baby is crying her little heart out!!!)  If there is harm coming her way you better believe that I will be there to make sure she is well.  But some days I can't help but to ask myself why in the world do people have kids?! They are annoying, needy, and when you need some type of outlet or freedom they smash those moments of zen to bits! I feel so bad every time these feeling come up but when she screams all day, scratches me, and climbs on me like I don't exist I just want to disappear into my happy place which is anywhere that she is not. Is this normal?? Don't get me wrong I love her so much, I didn't think that the kind of love I carry in my heart for her could ever exist but IT DOES! Sometimes I get angry at myself because there are women out there that are trying everything in the world to have what I have, and I can do is complain and get upset. SO... To the mothers out there do you feel the same way  or am I selfish? If you do feel the same way how do you deal with it and find your moments of zen?

By the way: I've just finished watching the second episode of Private Practice where two families just found out that there babies were switched at birth. One baby is dying and the other is healthy and due to the law they have to re switch the babies so I am quite emotional right now even though I'm still mad that I've only had 2 HOURS OF SLEEP. :-(

My biggest flaw... Super Grudge

Ok so this has been weighing heavily on my heart for a long time now that I'm older so here goes :-/ . I think I am the biggest grudge holder known on this green and blue Earth. Ever since I was younger I've always been the type of person to hold a serious grudge against any and every person who has seriously wronged me. In my younger days I didn't care but now that I'm older I feel like this should be something that I can control or get rid of and honestly I can't.To this very day I still have some serious grudges that I am carrying around with me and honestly I don't think I can ever look at those people in a positive  light ever again. SO, my question to you: How do you control or get over your grudges?  This is my first step in creating a new me. I know I have to let go of the past and those issues but to tell you the truth I just don't know how. Thanks and I can't wait to see your replies!

PinkLadi